Posted by
flagwaver on Sunday, March 18, 2007 10:44:23 PM
The Democrat(ic) Party has an embarrassing personal problem, and I am willing to give them my expertise for free. I have seen this disease ravage my own Party and am loathe to stand by and allow it to decimate another great Party with such a rich, diverse history. The dread disease that I am speaking of is...(pregnant pause)...
P.I.!
- For the sake of brevity, I will only give a list of the most dangerous and obvious warning signs; if you notice any of these signs in a Party, get it help quickly...or it may be too late!
Symptom#1: Desperation. This is a common symptom and may cause the afflicted to try crazy things to gain attention, such as touting al-Gore as a serious documentarian or William Jefferson as an example of an honest politician.
Symptom#2: Lack of strength. This symptom causes the Party to offer weak non binding resolutions to things like, oh, the Iraq War instead of taking a firm stand on the issue. This weakness is often seen in conjunction with cases of mealy mouth and demands immediate attention!
Symptom#3: Schizophrenia. Sufferers of P.I. often have two or more distinct personalities that surface under stress. Examples include voting for the war, before voting against it, being from the Northeastern U.S. but speaking with a Southern accent, and being a civil rights champion while claiming pride in the slave owning heritage of your home state.
Symptom#4: Memory loss. Those dealing with the ravages of P.I. often have trouble remembering specific events clearly. Examples include how they came into possession of classified raw F.B.I. files, how classified documents ended up in their socks, past statements (circa late 90's) on Iraqi WMD, and how the hell Howard Dean managed to become chair of the DNC!
Symptom#5: Hysteria. This ailment is common among chronic P.I. patients and their partners. It manifests itself in wailing about the "outing" of C.I.A. desk jockeys and the firing of a group of political appointees by the President.
Symptom#6: Self destructive behavior. Many P.I. patients succumb to desperation and do things that will destroy them in the long run. Examples include introducing a new super majority rule in the Senate, playing to the far left fringe, and turning on a loyal member because of his vote on one crucial issue, which drives him to the other camp.
If you see any of these signs in a political Party near you, please urge him to seek help. Big Pharmaceutical has developed a slew of drugs that may just help deal with the problem.
After all, if the little blue pill van help Bob Dole with his E.D., it can surely help the Democrats with their Political Impotence!