Posted by
flagwaver on Saturday, June 16, 2007 5:56:46 PM
We hear a lot about the plight of men in the society of today and rightly so. If there is one group that can be picked on, made fun of, ridiculed, or mocked it seems to be men. They are the group that everyone seems to think it is okay to malign, to humiliate, and to devalue.
Masculinity is seemingly always under attack in the popular media. Behavior that once was seen just as boys being boys is now characterized as dangerous, violent, or hateful. When I was a boy, my brothers, cousins, and various family friends played football, basketball, cowboys…the whole gamut of boyhood games. And no one thought it strange, no one said we were doing anything wrong, and when we left the girls out no one said we had to let them play with us. We even organized our own wrestling promotion, complete with contracts, home made belts, ring names and entrances, and on family gatherings we had our “supercards” where all the titles were up for grabs. We did it up first class…for a bunch of kids…and our parents smiled, told us not to hurt each other, and left it at that. Just boys being boys.
As we got older, we started to chase after girls a little bit, since that was the natural progression expected of boys as they became young men. We had our little schoolhouse romances, got our first kisses, and even snuck around and copped the occasional feel of our little girlfriends behinds. They would tell us to stop, we would, and that was that. There was no need to tell your parents or call the cops, because it was expected if not accepted that this is what boys at a certain age do. Boys will be boys, after all.
Now things have radically changed. The things that were fun for us as kids are now frowned upon by society. Roughhousing is no longer expected, but is grounds for mandatory anger management counseling; trying to kiss your little girlfriend or feel her up is now the impetus for sexual harassment counseling and in some cases for the involvement of the police. That’s right, what was innocent for the most part in my day is now criminal; do what we did and you might find yourself appearing on sex offender website!
And it gets no easier as men, as the popular culture is inundated with images of men as dimwits, slow-coaches, or brutes. A man that is forceful and commanding is characterized as a brutish bully, bent on intimidating all those he comes into contact with. If not bullies, men are the punch line to life’s jokes; men can’t express themselves, can’t deal with emotions, can’t connect with their children, can’t talk to their wives, can’, can’t, can’t….the list is endless.
Now there are authors and advocates that are challenging this trend, and are getting the word out about it. They are trying their best to rescue the image and reputations of men from the distortions that modern society has made in that image. But as bad as it sometimes seems to white men, the same is happening to black men. But for blacks there is a double whammy that makes this problem even worse for us.
While we get lumped in with the “dumb” man jokes and all that, we face the extra slap of being treated as useless, irrelevant, or criminal…and worst of all unnecessary. Society sees us as the criminal class, the media treats us as second class, and our own communities have started to see us a nearly unnecessary impediment to black women. This attitude towards, and treatment of, black men has its roots in the Great Society scheme that Lyndon Johnson and his Democrat cronies dreamed up in the 1960s.
The Great Society was supposed to be a set of programs that gave financial help to the poor, but in the black community it morphed from a war on poverty to a war on black men. When the government began to give unmarried mothers money to feed their children, house, and clothe their children that was the beginning of the end for black fathers in many communities. The government became the very thing that fathers had always been, and stripped black men of some of their authority. The government was the provider, instead of the black man, and suddenly it became more profitable for black women to raise their children alone than with the help of a man. Look at it as our own little “women’s lib” moment, if you will.
And from that start sprang the current conditions that face many black men today; they are distrusted by many in the wider society and are discounted in their own communities. I can hardly count the times that I have seen or heard, in media or in person, the sentiment that black men are basically worthless. How many times have I seen in movies the image of the black man as one who runs out on his responsibilities, leaves his children fatherless, and will not do what it takes to be a man? That theme is one that comes up over and over again, and while there may be some truth to it, it is not all there is to the story.
Let me give you a real life example of what I am talking about when I say that the stereotype does not necessarily hold true. I have a cousin, more like a brother actually, who is raising his three kids on his own. He and his wife had some serious marital problems and eventually divorced; he fought tooth and nail to gain custody of his children in a system that was quite obviously stacked against him. He got custody of his two older children first and continued to fight for custody for his youngest until she was able to come live with him. He works a full time job and has a small business on the side, yet he never misses any activity that his kids are involved in. He makes sure that they are involved in after school activities, to keep them away from the temptations of the streets, and he makes sure that they value their educations and bring home good grades. He has set high goals for them and he pushes them to achieve them because he has made the commitment to them to make sure they have a chance to succeed in life. He puts the welfare of his children above all else, and they are much the better for it.
I say this not just to pat him on the back, even though he well deserves it, but as an illustration that the stereotypes are just that…stereotypes. My brother is not the only black man out there doing right by his kids and his community; it happens all the time all over the country. It’s just not the story that the media wants to tell; they are still stuck on pretending to be our friends while stabbing us in the back.
But in spite of all that, we will stand strong as men, and as black men. We know that we have much to offer and that we are important to our families, our communities, and our nation. We know that we are more than the punch line to another weak attempt at humor and that we are necessary to the correct functioning of our society. And we take solace in the fact that even in the midst of all of the scorn, ridicule, and attacks there are those that value us and fight for us.
So as we come into the upcoming Father’s Day celebration, let me be the first to wish all of the fathers reading this a happy Father’s Day. I salute you all.
As men.